To Peggy and Charles / Janice Simmons (Friend of Parents )
Dear Peggy and Charles,
Although it has been a while since I wrote my first message to you two, you both are always in my heart.
You see, when you lost Jason, I lost him too. When a mother and father relinquishes a child to our Creator, no matter the age, there are always parents who feels the loss, too. I sincerely, deeply feel the loss of Jason.
I have to find the time, the silence to write my deepest feelings, and when I do, I do so from the deepest part of my soul. I feel the loss of Jason. Deeply and profoundly. I feel the loss of his beautiful smile. For those who know me, they know I really did not know Jason very well. I did not have to, for he was Peggy and Charles' son. I feel profound loss.
When a woman becomes a mother she is never is the same person. Her whole inner self changes. When this happens, she takes on a different phase of life. A new role. Her goals change, her attitudes change, her respective on life changes. She is a different person. She realizes change with carrying the child, the first sight of her child and the first touch. She may not know how deep the changes are until much, much later in her own life. For the love of the child and in loving a child, changes are constantly made. Daily changes are experienced and with each change, the child grows and learns who his parents are and his family is formed in terms of forever. Forever?
Fathers go through all of this, too. For Charles, I can only imagine if my father had lost me. We very so close, so very, very close. I was his son and daughter. Fathers are so often isolated because, unfortunately, our society teaches sons not to cry, not to show emotion, not to mourn openly. A father's loss is also profound, his life also permanently changed. Forever is just that, without another chance to touch, grab the son and hold on for dear life, literally. Struggling daily to adapt, to live without a beloved son. To stay strong for the mother. How are we suppose to this, Lord?
I can only offer we survive by loving the parents of the lost child. I think of Charles every single day of my life. Never will I forget seeing a grief-stricken father holding his son in a memorial box walking out of a funeral home. Truly I would love to have memories of seeing Charles and Jason together now living, loving, and enjoying a new phase of their lives, together. We have not been given that treasure.
Parenting is the toughest role we are given. We change. With change, we are constantly re-arranging daily chores, jobs tasks with thoughts of our family's future. We take for granted we are always going to achieve our own goals, aims, expectations. Most of us know we will have challenges, setbacks, and even some defeats. Not a perfect life but we never expect to outlive a child. We always want to think of our child outliving us and inheriting what we can possibly leave with them with the very best of ourselves. Not the earthly best, our inner selves best. We hope to somehow instill in them how we have lived our very, very best, and not necessarily for ourselves, but for our child. The very ingredients which makes us their parent, we want the child to always remember he was the most important person ever to us. We always hear of tragedies, of other parents dealing with the loss of their child, and we think, what if that happened to me, to us? We literally shake our heads to erase the thought from our brain, our mind, our heart. We keep going on with our lives, our plans. We feel sorrow for the others we hear about who loses a child. We know all along it happens to other people. Nothing prepares us when it happen to us. I cannot imagine, understand or know how to adapt to the pain, sorrow, the loss. I can say the loss of Jason has had a profound affect on me, to me.
As a mother, as a friend, I will always love Jason's parents. I will always try to make a day tolerable for Peggy. I have the honor to love her and to work with her. I know how to separate my mother role from my working associate role with Peggy. Mothers are forever mothers before the first breath of our child. To suffer the loss of a child is the worst human experience we have to endure. The loss of Jason has truly changed my life. To see the sadness, the loss, the "how to I go on" look on faces of two beautiful people, Peggy and Charles, has taught me so much. It has taught me to embrace these two wonderful people, to let them know I truly care about them. I deeply, sincerely feel the loss of Jason. I saw him few times, said few words to him, and I miss him more than most people can ever, ever imagine. I am a mother, a parent. If you have ever suffered, really suffered deep unimaginable pain, and truly felt a profound loss to your very soul, whether an unborn, newborn or worst yet, an older child, you have had hopes and dreams erased. How do I help Jason's parents?
I can only offer one thing. Love. I offer love with the hope Peggy and Charles will survive somehow stronger. Time has been cruel for them, to them. Healing? Not much but I will always love Jason for Peggy and Charles and that is my gift to them. My gift to Jason. Jason is important to me even though I cannot see him anymore, talk to him anymore, get to know him better but I can love him still. To embrace Peggy, Charles and Jason has enriched my life. What better gift from Jason to us left on earth than to know we have to love Peggy and Charles through the hardest times of their lives. Through pain, suffering and the loss of Jason, he sends us love. His life achieved more than some people he left behind. Peggy and Charles did a wonderful job with Jason. Look what Jason has achieved between Peggy, Charles, and Janice.
What can you say you have achieved? Ask yourself and reach out to someone who is suffering, who has lost a child. You cannot imagine how it can and will enrich your life. Jason lives on, right now, we have Jason through the most powerful emotion, love. His greatest achievement is he will never be forgotten and he brought me close to two wonderful people. My loss is I did not know him longer but what an impact he has made on my life! He is my son. Yes, he is my son, too.
I will always love my son, Jason.
Love to you both through Jason,
Janice
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Tributes and Condolences
I bought you this hat for your Birthday you were so happy since your other one was so old and dirty. You wore it all the time and that made me happy. I sure do miss you and wish you were still here. Hope you ad a Great Birthday. Love ya and miss you.
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